Chuck Norris does not sleep he waits

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries

Chuck Norris counted to infinity............twice

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because the word hunting infers to the probability failure. Chuck Norris goes killing

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you, but if you cant see Chuck Norris that means you're only seconds away from death

When the Boogie man goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appriciates irony, couldnt stay mad and admitted that he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all 3 bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded in sheer amazment.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that is why there are no signs of life there

Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry the man ate a freakin indian!

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist

In fine print on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it says that all records are held by Chuck Norris, but those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten

The chief export of Chuck Noris is Pain

Chuck Noris  is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs

The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out of China. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight

Chuck Norris got a real charger for his iPod instead of a USB cable

Chuck Norris has the power to eat only one lays patato chip.